piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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