glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your cock deserves a montage
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize