i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
