What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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