I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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