i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
