The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
