Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
