I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We got so high we made milksteak
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
