haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
