My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
