There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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