I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
