Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
