I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
