i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
