Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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