you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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