tell your sister to shave her snatch
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
