I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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