I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
