Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
