Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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