I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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