I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
