i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize