If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
