My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
