I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
