I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
