he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize