Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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