I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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