The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
her vagine was all disorganized.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
