I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this boner is exhausting
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
