I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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