So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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