mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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