I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
