her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
