evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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