finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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