just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
