can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
