ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
