Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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