Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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