I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
