I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
