i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
