Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
