I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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