He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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