hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
