good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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