everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
