Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
