You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
