Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Quick, to the slutcave!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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