It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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