By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize