I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
