i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
