He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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