dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
