omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
