My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just puked most of my soul out..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
