I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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