Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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