shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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