why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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