is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
