last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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