i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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