i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
