I am in a vortex of obligation.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
