Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
