he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
