I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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