8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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