I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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