Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
did you just send me my own nude
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
