you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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