you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
