The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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