My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
