Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
