We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
