No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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