Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Less talking, more tequila
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
