I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
