My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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