I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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