My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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