Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
