I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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