There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
