Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
