I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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